Watch Over Me
by Angela Kip
Summary: Little Sisters can be cured in a matter of seconds, but it takes far longer for one to overcome everything she's been brainwashed to believe. A story of recovery, starting over, and relearning how to live life.
1. Part I

_**Part I.**_

**One**

My daddy likes ADAM and the special little needles. He shows me all the time what they're like and how they work. You have to put them in your wrist just right, he said, but then his wrists started getting bad marks so he needed to use other parts of his arms. I don't have marks on my arms. My arms are not like Daddy's.

My mommy used to like the ADAM and the needles, too. She was nice sometimes because she'd put fire on things with her hands and then we would use it to make dinner. Other times she was really mean. When she was mean she threw lots of things around the house and sometimes she threw them at me and Daddy. That didn't happen for very long because some people in uniforms came to our house and then I wasn't allowed to live with my mommy and daddy anymore. I cried for a long time when they told me that, and they said it would be okay and I was going to a new place to live, an orphanage.

There was a bad man at the orphanage. Big room, lots of beds, lots of girls like me, disappearing one by one. Doctors sometimes, giving us things to smell that made it hard to think. No mommy, no daddy, just the bad man and once, the lady. The movies play on repeat all day and night and...

I...

I have a hard time remembering.

**Two**

I have another daddy now. He's nicer than the other daddies because some of the other daddies do scary things with their hands. Mr. Bubbles doesn't do that. He lets me talk to him while he does important stuff like fighting the bad people. If you have a bad daddy you have to be very, very quiet and hope he will forget about you.

Mr. Bubbles doesn't forget about me. Lots of times a day he comes to the hidey hole to get me and then we look for angels. He takes care of all the strangers who come. Things are very mean and nasty when I'm getting ADAM, but after that I remember that things aren't scary. When I get tired he puts me back in the hidey hole. I am getting better at this. All good girls gather.

Sometimes lots of strangers are there, like when I am getting ADAM. They are scary, but Mr. Bubbles says they can't hurt me. He uses his special hand powers on them. That makes me laugh. Sometimes he makes them dance and sometimes they think they are my daddy.

I'm very good at showing Mr. B where the angels are. I can smell the rose petals from very far away and that makes him happy because I share my ADAM with him. I'm a good girl. The posters say so.

There are lots of girls like me. Sometimes I see them walking around with their daddies. They want for-real daddies just like I do. We're not supposed to talk to each other. If there is a girl in the hidey hole, all you are allowed to do is sing little songs with each other because singing is not talking.

We are always being watched.

The bad dreams come. I wait for Mr. Bubbles to knock on the hidey hole. When I have more ADAM in my tummy, it will feel better again.

**Three**

Sometimes I see lonely daddies. There is a difference between lonely daddies and mean daddies. The lonely ones are the looking ones who go back and forth to hidey holes looking for the girl that belongs to them. I think they are sad.

The mean daddies are the ones you have to be very quiet for. Sometimes they come up to Mr. Bubbles and me and they try to hurt us. I don't know why they do this – I'm a good girl – but you're always safe with your daddy. That's Mr. Bubbles's job, to keep me safe. I get ADAM for him and then we are both happy.

I'm tired, I want dream time, but Mr. Bubbles is moving me along. We have a job to do. I have to be a good girl, and more ADAM will make me feel better.

I do not remember ever being so tired. I pull the needle out of the angel and drink down my ADAM. I think it tastes like cherries. What is a cherry? I'm not sure, but I think I must have had one once or twice before.

Too many gathers. I can feel the juice from the angels sloshing in my tummy. Mr. B takes me to the hidey hole again, and I am glad it is empty. I want to sleep for a long, long time.

**Four**

It isn't safe today. There was an angel, but when I went to help him, I stepped in glass. It was red on my feet. I don't want to lose any ADAM. Mr. Bubbles let me be careful about that, because I had to make sure there was no glass in there, like I learned once a long time ago. When there wasn't any more, my feet had rose petals.

We are in another room and water is dripping from the ceiling. I put my feet in the water and the rose petals float away. I think they are not so bad.

The people who want to hurt us have friends today. I don't like them. I just want to gather ADAM for Mr. B, so I yell to him and he makes them dance. Today they try to pick me up, but I scream. My daddy will protect me.

First it hurts. Then it stops hurting, but my arms have rose petals. Mr. Bubbles is taking me back to the hidey hole. I don't understand why. We have hardly done any gathering today. Maybe it is because of the scary people. He leaves me here and goes to do some more work. I wonder what he does when I am not there.

My tummy hurts again. I hope Mr. B will come back soon so I can get some more ADAM to make it feel better. It hurts so much that I cannot sleep, so I start crawling. I hope I will be able to find him this way. I need Mr. Bubbles with me or I cannot gather ADAM, but I'm not sure where he is.

There is another part of the hidey hole with a daddy coming toward it. He doesn't see me, I am invisible. Maybe if he saw me he would let me have some ADAM to help me. Everything is very fuzzy.

The daddy has a girl like me on his back. I hope she comes in so that we can sing the song about the House of Upside-Down. I like that one the best. She is being very, very quiet. I hope he is not a bad daddy. It is getting harder to see him. I crawl forward some more and he sees me. I should go back.

There is not enough ADAM. I think I decide to take a nap.

**Five**

It is very cold and very hot. And then it is soft everywhere. I think someone is trying to smother me. You cannot smother a girl like me because we only grow rose petals. I have to get back to Mr. Bubbles. Somebody is touching my forehead.

"She is with fever. Two, perhaps three days."

It is a lady's voice, and she might be a mommy. We are not supposed to see the mommies, only our daddies when they come to get us. My daddy will come back and make her dance and keep me warm. Then she will be an angel and I will help her and drink her ADAM.

I need ADAM. I am shaking all over. My daddy will come soon and rescue me from the bad mommy.


	2. Part II-I

_**Part II.**_

**Six**

There is a bed here. Beds are not for girls like me. Why am I in a bed? There is a hidey hole in this room, but it takes me a long time to get into it. I am still shaking. Where is Mr. Bubbles?

The mommy comes in again. She's a bad mommy because all mommies are bad. When she stands in front of the hidey hole, I crawl further back.

"I do not want to hurt you," she says, and her voice sounds different from anyone else's I have heard before. "You are scared of me, yes? The others were too."

The others? She must mean the other Sisters. I glance around the room. Nothing looks right, so I must be very sick. There is no pink, no rose petals, no angels. It is very cold and dark. Maybe I am dreaming. I have never had a dream, but I know what they are. I don't remember where I heard about them, though.

"You're in big trouble," I tell the bad mommy. "Mr. B's gonna hurt you so much."

She has a tiny smile on her face. "Come out when you are ready," she says. "I have very nice place for you." Then she leaves.

I stay in the hidey hole, quiet, listening to my breathing.

**Seven**

Good girls gather. How can I be a good girl if there are no angels? Mr. Bubbles hasn't come back. What if the mommy did something bad to him? She doesn't look like the mean people, but there are no mean people here either. It is an empty room except for a bed and a hidey hole and a door.

The bad mommy comes back again when it is late. She is holding something. I come a little closer and look at it, but I don't leave my hidey hole. She has part of a harvesting needle in her hands. I bet that's why mommies are bad. Nobody should take apart harvesting needles because they are hard to make.

"I think you are hungry," she says.

I don't move.

"I have something you like."

I don't want to talk to her, but my tummy hurts with how hungry I am. "Is it ADAM?"

"Something like that, yes. If you come out I can give it to you."

A bad mommy wouldn't give me ADAM. Either she is a good mommy or that is not ADAM. Are there good mommies? I reach my arm out of the hidey hole. If she is bad I will scratch her.

"All right," she says with a little smile, and hands me the broken needle. There is not even a needle part left, only the part to drink from. I suck a little bit out. It is thicker than ADAM, but it tastes the same. Maybe she is a different kind of mommy. A bad mommy doesn't have things like this.

"Come out when you are ready," she says again, kindly, and then she leaves the room and I finish my drink that is not ADAM.

**Eight**

It is easier to sleep in a hidey hole than a bed. The mommy comes and brings me more drink in the morning, and this time I come out. I sit on the bottom shelf of the hidey hole watching her the whole time in case she tries something bad, but she only sits on the bed watching me.

"There are lots of little ones in my safehouse," she tells me, gesturing to the door. "That is just outside. Would you like to come out and see?"

I drop the broken harvesting needle and climb back up into the hidey hole. When it is impossible for her to grab me I tell her my answer. "No."

"When you are ready."

"Okay." I will never, ever go out there.

She goes to the door, but stops before going out. "I am Tenenbaum," she says. "I am sure nice girl like you has nice name. Maybe later you can tell me."

"Okay."

The door closes. I lie in the hidey hole and think. It is nice to have a tummy full of the drink that is not ADAM, nicer than it is to have a tummy full of ADAM. This mommy might be nice. Maybe if I go with her she will bring me to some angels so I can be a good girl again. Maybe she will take me to Mr. Bubbles.

What is my name?

**Nine**

Missus Tenenbaum comes in two more times. She says it is important to have three meals a day.

"You are in the vent so much," she tells me on the second time. "Are you tired?"

Collecting ADAM makes me tired. I am not tired now, so maybe she will let me gather for my daddy. I shake my head no.

"You are not?" she asks, and I shake my head again. "Then I think you should come with me. It is not far, only out here." She loosely raises a hand to the door and then drops it. "It has another vent. Many little ones. And nice things."

"Where's Mr. Bubbles?" I ask her.

"He is not here. You are no more Little Sister, do not need your Big Daddy."

Why? Why is she taking my daddy away? It must be a mistake. "But I'm _always_ good for Daddy."

"Come here," she says, putting out a hand. "I will show you something nice."

I don't know what else to do, so I take it.

**Ten**

Missus Tenenbaum says there are things to do before I meet the other girls. Another room, a big one, with a desk and cabinet and two little beds. There is a funny smell in the air.

"Do you know your name?" she asks, touching my chin, but I move away. "I am sure it is nice name."

I hesitate, then shake my head. "My daddy's name is Mr. Bubbles."

"Hmm-mm? No matter. We will pick name for you." She takes a little notebook from her file cabinet. It's full of little scribbly marks. I keep looking around. She has a machine in her office that I remember. If you push the button under the picture of the Big Daddy, it gives you chips. If you push the button under the picture of the bad mommy, it hurts. I go over to it and press the button for chips. A can of vegetables falls out.

"Hey," I protest.

Missus Tenenbaum tilts her head in my direction. "Try the other button, little one," she suggests.

"No. It hurts."

"I promise it will not."

I press it, bracing myself for the shock, but it doesn't come. Instead, a bag of chips drops neatly at my feet. I pick it off the floor and tear it open.

Things are different in this world.

Missus Tenenbaum helps me pick a name out of the scribbles. She says they are words, made up of letters, and someday I will learn how to read. It makes me frustrated and she touches my cheek and tells me I am doing okay. I don't want her touching me. I scoot backwards.

She calls me _Alisha_, because that is what she likes. I sit by the window, unravel one of the torn ribbons on my dress, and stick the end in my mouth.


	3. Part II-II

**Eleven**

Missus Tenenbaum lets me have some more of the drink that is not ADAM while I am in her office, and then she leans against the door.

"I must go now," she says. "It is time for the other little ones to have their lunch." She extends a hand, but I look the other way.

"_Kleine_ Alisha," she begs. It sounds weird to hear a name that means me.

I take her hand to stand up and follow her out. What she does not tell me is that we are going into a big, big room, and there are girls staring back at me. There are so many of them I can't count them, and they all look very curious.

I wrench free of her hand and bolt for the hidey hole.

It takes a long time for my heart to stop pounding. When I am calmer, I peek out. All the girls are sitting on the floor with something in their hands, and they are eating it. One is complaining about "bologna and mustard." I don't know what she means. I wriggle backwards, curl myself up tight, and try to go to sleep.

**Twelve**

It is very dark when I wake up. Carefully, I look out the hidey hole and see all the girls sleeping in their beds. I do not like beds. I slide down and walk around the big room. There are lots of toys and a table with some chairs. Some rectangular bars wrapped in paper are on the table.

Near the table I see some stairs. Finally, something I recognize. Upstairs there is a funny row of lines on the ground, some suitcases, and a door. Inside the door is a smaller door I could crawl through.

"Oh!"

I spin around. Oh, no, I've walked past one of those girls. She has funny pieces of paper in her hands and she looks guilty.

"I – I – " I want Mr. B around so I can hide behind him. I am shaking and she can see it.

"Don't be scared," she says, lowering her head. "I thought you were gonna tell Mama Tenenbaum on me."

What? "Tell Missus Tenenbaum on you?"

"Yeah. 'Cause I shouldn't be playing cards so late." The girl gathers up all the pieces of paper and moves them around in her hands.

"Is that a game?" I ask, feeling stupid.

She nods and scoots over a little, patting the space on the floor next to her. I sit down and she begins to lay out the cards, turning some over and laying some with the white side up. "Want to see how to play solitaire? That's my favorite game." She ducks her head shyly. Without waiting for my answer, she turns over a card from the biggest stack and I watch her hands move rapidly.

We don't sleep all this night.

**Thirteen**

Missus Tenenbaum wakes everybody up in the morning and gives us all weird little bits of food on plates. She hands me mine last, tapping it.

"This is bread," she tells me very slowly.

"Bread," I repeat.

"This is bread, and _this_ – " She points to the brown stuff on top of the bread. " – is called peanut butter."

"Peanut butter." I feel stupid. All the other girls know this already, and I don't.

"Yes." She touches my cheek and smiles. "You are learning, Alisha."

I still have to get used to having a name. Did I have one before?

I take a bite of bread and peanut butter. It tastes different from anything I have ever eaten before. Some of the other girls are smiling at me. Maybe I should say something to them.

Somebody knocks on the door and then comes in. It's another girl like me, and she is holding something in her hands. "I found it, Mama!" she announces with a huge smile.

"Thank you, _kleine_ Stacey," Missus Tenenbaum says, giving her a hug. "This will help me very much."

"What's that?" someone asks.

"It is Dr. Lamb's new audio diary. Eleanor's mother."

"Ohh." She nods, and the rest of us do too. I know who Eleanor's mommy is. Everyone does.

"She's a bad, bad mommy," someone yells.

"It is better if you not bother Dr. Lamb," Missus Tenenbaum says gently.

"Mommies are bad," I say. Missus Tenenbaum gives me a very tiny smile and goes into her office and shuts the door.

**Fourteen**

Stacey sits down with us and eats her bread and peanut butter. She does it without getting any on her face or hands. I watch her and try to imitate it. It doesn't work and I end up with peanut butter on my cheek. She turns and gives me a smile.

"Are you new?" she asks. "Did Mama just bring you here?"

"I think so," I say, feeling a little dizzy. Things happen so fast around here.

"My name's Stacey," she says with a smile. "Now you're supposed to tell me your name."

"A-li-sha." It feels strange on my tongue. I think she can tell, because her smile gets bigger.

"It's hard to be new," she says, giving me a pat on the arm. "I've been here longer than anyone else. Soon I get to go to my forever family."

"Who's your forever family?" I ask.

"I don't know them yet," she explains. "Mama Tenenbaum says she's going to find me one on the surface and I'll stay with them until I'm all grown up."

"Oh," I say even though I don't understand. She smiles again and nods.

"It's going to be super great."

For a while Stacey keeps talking. When I am done with my bread and peanut butter I go back into the hidey hole and look out. After a few minutes one of the other girls comes up with a big piece of something in her hands. It is pink like rose petals and looks soft.

"Do you want a blanket?" she says after a long moment.

I hesitate. "Does it hurt?"

"No. It's cuddly." She rubs it against her cheek. "See?"

"Okay." Maybe I can try it. I reach my arm out and she gives me the blanket. I wrap myself up in the warmth and watch the other girls head off to play a game.

**Fifteen**

Missus Tenenbaum comes out of her office a long time later with a book. She glances my way and smiles. "If you would like to come out, you can see the pictures."

"Pictures of what?" I ask.

"You will see." She motions to me, but I don't crawl out yet. She goes to sit down in a chair and the other girls make a circle around her. She opens the book and holds it up so everybody can see. Everybody except me, even though I squint, because it's too far away. Then she starts reading. At least I can hear the words. "'Giraffes eat leaves off of branches. They stretch their long necks up to get to the trees.'"

What is a giraffe? I strain my eyes, but I still can't see the picture. I wait until she is done reading the whole thing, then crawl out of the hidey hole. "Can I have the book?" I ask.

"Say 'please,'" she tells me. "It is magic word."

"What's magic?"

"The magic word gives you what you want."

"Can I have the book, please?"

She smiles and hands it to me. I open it and poke my finger at the scribbly marks on the bottom. "What are these?"

"Those are the words. Someday you will learn to read them."

I stare at the picture of the giraffe. Maybe, in another life, I saw one once.


	4. Part II-III

**Sixteen**

Tonight is my first night in a bed. I have been in the safe house with Missus Tenenbaum for ten days and she says it is time for me to learn to sleep in a bed like real girls sleep in. I am a real girl now. That means I'm not a Little Sister anymore. Missus Tenenbaum says that Little Sisters are real girls who got very sick and need to be helped. I don't think she's right. We need Little Sisters to help angels. I should be helping angels, too. Real girls aren't allowed to do that. I think it's because we're being punished, but I don't know what for.

Missus Tenenbaum writes everyone's name above their bed on a little card. She made one for me today and showed me how my name looks when you write it out. I think it looks nice. I like it a lot. I touch my card. I can't see it very well in the dark.

We do almost the same thing every day I have been here. We eat breakfast and then we play and then Missus Tenenbaum reads a story and we have lunch and we play until dinner and then we color and then we go to bed. She says tomorrow we will do something new, something I have never done before. Then she wouldn't let any of the other girls tell me what we were going to do. I hope it is a good thing.

**Seventeen**

Missus Tenenbaum's surprise is that we get to take a walk outside the safe house. She tells Emmeline, who has been here a long time, that she and I are going to go and get groceries for everybody and not to talk to anybody and not to stay out for a long time. Only the two of us get to go, and it makes me feel very special. We scurry from corner to corner so nobody sees us.

"Why are we doing this?" I ask.

"So we get some life skills," she says.

"What are life skills?"

"When you learn how to live with a family, like up on the surface," she says, and it looks like she is going to say more, but there is a thud and a loud groan and she freezes.

"Mr. Bubbles!" I shout, but she puts her hand over my mouth.

"Shh. Not all of the daddies are nice." She looks up at a hidey hole. "Let's go back through the vent. Hurry."

I climb up into the hidey hole, but she has some problems doing it so I pull her up. As we crawl through we run into a girl like us, except she is very pale and her eyes are glowing yellow. I recoil.

"Ew. What's wrong with your eyes?"

Emmeline pokes me. "We aren't s'posed to talk to anyone," she says in a loud whisper.

The girl doesn't seem to hear her. "I gots nothing!" she shouts. "No angels! See?"

Emmeline yanks me to the side and we crawl away, dropping down just outside the safe house so we can run back in. "I won't tell that you talked to someone," she says. "I promise."

"Thanks," I say, but I'm not sure why, and we head back inside.

**Eighteen**

Stacey gets to go meet her "forever family" in a week. She calls them that because she will get to be with them forever, or as long as she needs to. She says they are up on the surface. I ask Missus Tenenbaum and she says that is true. She tells me that sometimes a friend of hers comes down to Rapture and takes girls up to families and that this person is called a _social worker_. It's a big secret, though. A secret is something you're not supposed to tell anybody who doesn't already know.

Anyway, Stacey says she will get to meet them in a week and then stay with them forever and always. She's going to have something called _parents_, which means a daddy and a mommy, except the daddy is a person. Missus Tenenbaum says she makes sure all the mommies she picks are nice mommies. That makes me glad to hear. Once Stacey leaves, we will get a new girl in the safe house. That's because we will have an empty bed.

**Nineteen**

Sometimes Missus Tenenbaum goes into her office and sits there for a long time and we can't see her. Today she is sitting in there with a little stick in her hand. She brings the stick to her mouth and then takes it away and blows out a long stream of gray.

"What's she doing?" I ask, pointing her out to one of the other girls. Jamie smiles.

"Mama is a dragon," she announces.

"What's a dragon?"

"They're big and they breathe smoke and fire like she is."

"Oh." At least I understand this explanation. I have seen lots of smoke and fire. I know it is for roasting marshmallows, but I've never had any marshmallows. When Missus Tenenbaum comes out, I ask her about this and she pats me on the head.

"Food is expensive, little one," she says. "It costs much money."

"I know," I say, even though I don't really understand what money does. You need a lot of money for food. That is why we eat the same thing every day: bread with peanut butter for breakfast, bologna and mustard sandwiches for lunch, and beans from a can for dinner. I decide that the next time we go for a walk I will find some food. That will make everybody happy.

**Twenty**

Stacey doesn't stop talking about her new family even though she hasn't even met them yet. She has to go up to the surface to meet them and then we won't see her anymore. That will be on Thursday, so on Wednesday we are having a party for her. Today is Sunday. (Missus Tenenbaum showed me all the days of the week.)

I asked Missus Tenenbaum how long it will be until I go to my forever family, and she said probably a year or two. She got out the calendar and showed me how long a year is if each day is a little box. A year is a very long time. Missus Tenenbaum says that by then I will be a real girl and know how to do real-life things and how to live on the surface. I hope she is right. There are so many things to learn. I told her this and she patted my head and said that that is why it will take so long, but that I will get it eventually. I liked hearing that.


End file.
